And if the affection stops, the relationship is over
Regardless fo the reason and whether or not you wish for the sexless scenario to change, not talking about it can be problematic.
People get really nervous. It’s like, “Well, I better not be too affectionate or else they’ll read something into it.” Or you know, “Maybe if I’m too affectionate to her, she might think I want sex, and that’s going to be really embarrassing.”
I read about a study that showed that sex researchers have less sex than the average person
So, the affection stops. Then you really, truly are just friends. So, it’s okay to have a sexless marriage. It’s fine. It’s not so good for you health-wise, because there are lots of benefits. But you must talk about it. You really must.
You may find dated statistics that suggest that seldom having sex equals “sexless
Before you go off to google the definition of a “sexless marriage,” well, don’t. ” And those stats aren’t helpful or accurate.
Yes, it used to be that if you were a couple and you had sex less than 10 times a year you were labeled a sexless marriage… I know tons of couples in different stages of their life who have very good sex, good quality sex, you know. They won’t have it for ages and then they’ll a spectacular session that lasts for hours and hours and they are absolutely fronted to be called sexless.
They’re not sexless. They are just people who have sex, you know, once a month, because of certain, you know, reasons and maybe their libido is not that high. So, I think it’s very good that they’ve removed that definition.
And I very much promote in the book, find your normal. If you’re normal, if what makes you and your partner happy is once a year, then that’s perfect. If you’re, you know, what’s normal for you is once a day, that’s perfect. All these figures are lies, anyway. I think people lie in sex surveys all the time.
I think she has a point. And I immediately thought, you know what? They’re probably only better at reporting accurate information. And some research has shown that men are more likely to round up how much sex and lovers they reportedly have while women may round these numbers down.
One thing Tracey really wanted to explore in her book was different ways to cope with sex-related changes, and provide ways to improve sex, if desired. People with vulvas, for example, may be less interested in sex with age or at various times in life because of painful penetration. But there are many ways to have great sex without vaginal penetration, and to make penetration less painful.
Feeling insecure about your body or sexual dysfunction are major factors behind drops in sex, too, which are common in people of all genders.
…not feeling great about your body, not feeling sexy anymore. And a lot of that is to do with comparing yourself again to youth: Because I don’t look young, and how I used to look, that must mean I’m not sexy.
I always say if you’re with a man who used to love sex and is over the age of 45, and just suddenly, you know, or just seems to want it less and less and less, and then just doesn’t even want to talk about it, it is invariably erection difficulties.
I mean, that was another chapter that was fascinating writing the book, the chapter about men coping with, you know, aging penises, and erection problems from just getting older and erection dysfunction are two totally different things. But it is the biggest psychological catastrophe for any man not to get an erection.
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